ive been feeling kinda off lately. I cant tell if im sad or just not really feeling anything at all. most likely sad though cause I miss talking to this one person and it sucks feeling like i'll never be able to talk to them again :( i just want someone who wants to spend time with me and someone who'll make my heart melt and my head fuzzy when they look into my eyes or when i see them smiling. i love that feeling. i feel like trying to figure out your sexuality can be so confusing so i just kinda give up trying to label myself. i feel like im better off just loving whoever i love and so whatever happens will happen. no more labels, not gonna put myself in a box like that. i just feel like i have so much love to give and it doesn't matter who i give it to. not in a desperate way though cause i know from experience that im capable of loving both genders, just saying im open to whatever will happen cause its nearly impossible predicting the future. it kinda sucks when you don't have nobody to talk to about relationships cause you're still "in the closet" lol i know some of my friends would be okay with it but idk how my family would react. it gets frustrating having to change "she" and "her" to "he" and "him" when i just wanna tell the whole world how pretty and smart and talented she is and i just gotta say how "handsome he is" :(((( i just wanna hold her hands and never let them go. listen to all her favorite songs just to see how she lights up every time she gets to sing along to them. take her on roadtrips to pull over and pick her some flowers every 10 miles. take her to museums to see her mind ponder about all the things she sees. go on late night walks/drives with her just to talk about life and star gaze. although i must say, it doesn't need to be night time for me to star gaze. i never understood that, but it's true. she does have a whole other universe within her eyes. the softest shade of brown, so warm yet makes my head spin around. this overwhelming feeling that she gives me kinda scares me sometimes, but when shes gone it feels like im a fiend for her love, i can never get enough of it. her embrace brings me so much peace. her heart feels like a home that i never wanna leave. and the thought of me crossing her mind feels too good to be true. she's too good to be true. she's everything to me and im really scared of losing her.