cant sleep, night thoughts
sitting here in my bed trying to make my mind tired so i can sleep, i noticed how fast time is moving and how i feel like ive missed out on so many years of my life because ive felt disconnected with the world and i feel like im not really here. idk how to explain it well, but i just started crying for the fourth freakin time today because i realized not only am i getting older but so is my family and that makes me so sad. getting older is so scary but at the same time, i don't wanna stay young forever. i want to go experience life and stuff even though that's hard to do with social anxiety. the more i think about my life, the more messed up things seem to be and it kinda scares me and makes me wanna go see a mental health specialist but alsoooooo that scares me equally as much lol i just wish i had someone to talk to. everyone seems to leave me hangin even though the minute they need something, i come running to save the day. maybe one day i'll meet someone who'll make me feel like i'll never be lonely again...