Watasumi Kasai

Complaining about shit
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2020-03-06 14:13:40 (UTC)

Need to get over it!

I need to get busy, stating to feel kinda down again. I keep bringing my own mood down, by constantly repeating what I already know. There is no getting back together, we mat never talk again, there is someone else for me. All that over and over again. I just wanna get my GED and then my medical Receptionist certificate. That's it, then maybe meet someone on the journey. I'm just tired of my own brain being dumb. I know already, nothing is there. He stopped liking me a long time ago. He's happy without me, he's in a relationship. But I keep wanting to make something out of nothing and it's causing me some issues. I just want it to stop, I don't want to end up crying again. I cried last night. Like a stupid kid. It's been over four weeks already and I keep coming back to this crap. Like in a year this wont even matter. I'll be so over it. In a few more weeks I'll be stirght over it. I just need to control my impulse to contact him. It'll all be fine. I just need to get over it, I mean yeah it'll take a little time but I need to let all go.

Even now while I'm writing this, there is still hope that we'll make some sort of plan. Like we'll talk and still do our own thing but I know that's not gonna happen. He doesn't like me like that anymore. And it's been a while since he has. Like idk what to do and I keep writing about it. I hope this makes me feel better. And I just stop thinking about it. So annoying. All of this crap is so annoying. I'm just his friend and nothing more. There is someone else for me. That's what I was told and that's what I need to believe. Gotta keep telling myself this. It's ok, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. It's all good. Like it was only an online relationship anyway. So what the hell is wrong with me? He's not the one, and I just cant let it go. I keep looking at things and making things and seeing a future with him and I feel so stupid for thinking that way. I want it to stop but I need to get busy. I start school on Monday. Nerd to throw myself into that like crazy and just forget about him asap.

Writhing helps but I'm also getting tired if seeing myself write about the some shit.
I also think about, if he did come and we meet, he'd obviously not wanna be around me. Since I'm so fat and just plan obese. I've been using my mom's Walker to get around on the schools campus. I don't feel ashamed but what if he did? I'm 7yrs older than him and fat as all hell. That's another thing that I tell myself, he's been stuck in the house all a lot with and over baring mother and he's gonna wanna get out and di stuff, so why would he wanna bring me and my walkrr along? So stupid. So lame. No matter how match I may want something from from, this it'll have to not happen. Like what am I supposed to do?

I just need to get over it as soon as possible. And become a productive person. I'll be fine, I'll be happier and he'll be happier.

I don't want the relationship he's in to continue though. That person is horrible and he need someone he can grow with. I wish that person was me, but I know it's not. I just need to get over it.

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