2020-03-06 17:07:31 (UTC)

Kittens and cloudy skies

I dreamt that I hurt a kitten. I accidentally closed the door on his paw and it was bleeding heavily. The kitten didn't whimper or make any sound, but the blood was enough to put me in a fit. I held him close, crying and apologising, and was with him every step of the way to get healed. In the dream I found him a good home and he grew up with care but I still woke up with a whirlwind of guilt, longing, and sadness. My mind tells me it wasn't real, therefore it's okay to let it go and forget it. My heart just wants that kitten back, as if I had it to begin with and had hurt it to want to make amends. THAT'S irrational, not the emotions themselves.

I spoke to C very briefly this morning and it's been made clear he's still angry about being insulted. I suppose I should sit with myself and write about what that was all about but not quite yet. It was probably wrong to take it out on him in that comment when he wasn't sure what I was talking about in the first place. I apologised for the third time without much explanation about what had ticked me off so much. Mainly because I knew he didn't want to talk. So his silent treatment will only last until the evening, not three whole days.

He got his cosmic punishment though; I woke up with a very sore throat and a mean cough. When I saw I was feeling dead tired all morning and won't stop coughing, I texted parents and canceled my sessions for the day. They wished me well.

The weather matches the mood. Maybe I should grab an umbrella and walk to the bridge, see what the troll is up to.

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