Street_smart

Experienced Life
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2020-02-25 06:26:39 (UTC)

I had another nightmare again 🥺

I dreamt about the boy again. I don't know why. Once is ok but another one in this short amount of time worries me that something might be wrong. This time, Chris was helping a stranger with her baby. She had her hands full. I think he was probably around 10 yrs old maybe in my dream. Anyway, the diaper slipped and the poopy diaper fell by accident. His Mom got upset and started to yell at him. She used to sort of do the a lot getting them ready for school. I never did.

The dream then shifted scenes and Christopher was being punished by doing the dishes. I could see he was still in tears and I went over to him and gave him a hug from behind and told him I loved him. Of course, his feeling were hurt so he cried a little more when I hugged him but he said he loved me back and I started helping him with the dishes and told him we could do something when we're done to try to make him feel better because I knew it was just an accident.

Then it was weird but the scene sort of change again to the now at my house. I have nothing of theirs here anymore and that they have now aged all these years, I don't know what they like anymore. I know no more just kiddy stuff. So the only thing I could think of was maybe a bike ride to Folsom lake. I still have two of my bikes so that'd be the only thing we cold do that might be ok.

Funny, now I'm awake and all those years have gone by since I saw them. How long now? Many many years ago. They just split when I went to work? Yeah. I recall. I recall not even reacting. I recall just getting the broom and big dustpan because I knew the house was going to be a mess. I recall a year later the ex wanted to come back and try again. Well, I am a stupid person but not that stupid. I said no. I don't know what's wrong with her but that's not mentally healthy for me and I know you can't fix stupid.

In retaliation, she never let me see the kids. Not even call. Not even email. Nothing, nada. And that's how it's been all these years. Hmmm. I know a guest pastor that came and did a sermon for us once. I recall he saying he was on many people's death beds giving them their last sermon or whatever it is when your on your death bed. He said the biggest thing on people's mind before they die is regret. Regret that they didn't use their time wisely. Regret that they held a grudge against someone. Regret that they did something wrong and didn't get a chance to fix it.

Well, I'm not sure when I'm passing away but I will try on my death bed to not have any regrets. I will try to live my life to the fullest and I hopefully will die knowing I did all I could with what life I had. Now if I could time it to max out my credit cards a few days before I die, that'd be fun. haha. JK. Credit is fine. Just thinking stupid thoughts. Life is too short peeps. You may not have another day to do what you want to do tomorrow so do it today.


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