Eel

Descendant

this article on LinkedIn has got me thinking that my dad fucked around so hard he gave me Asperger's.
and it's a plausible explanation. i'm not the only one in his geneology that is on the autism spectrum.
so I knew that he gave it to us. but it just made me wonder why nobody ever asked how he got it, who he got it from.
so whatever. dads.
my keyboard is a rainbow that shifts over time., which I just realized, and i'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner.
thinking of ways to outsmart Kaylan. another random, meaningless thought I suppose.
I hope this doesn't negatively affect my actions over time. I still see value in doing things. whatever things.
Shamrock fucking shakes from McDonalds and Fire Emblem all day. This is the liiiiiiiiiiiiife.
I can't help but think I need to write and eat and organize my life more. But day by day I gradually lose motivation. Maybe because I'm not confident enough. But I have to learn the basics and be patient. There is no rush.
Sometimes I wish I was smarter with myself though.
Augh. All this negativity. I wonder if Shaan is actually right.
But we've stopped texting each other. I know that he only sees me as a body. I abhor it, but sometimes, it was the same kind of look I got from Hassan, which in a very disgusting and twisted way...kind of turns me on. Fuck my whole life. Why am I like this.
I'm alone but I don't help my case. I look furry and rugged. I need to take better care of myself.