Easy to get but hard to forget

Miculy
2020-02-21 05:01:06 (UTC)

a letter for my ex

i lost you somewhere
in my lies

you lost me somewhere
in your hysteria

we lost each other
in cheap wine
somewhere in full ashtrays and smoky rooms.

we promised things to each other that we knew aren't possible.

you taught me how to drink cheap alcohol
without figuring out how awful it tastes
but letting it get you drunk.

you said once that you might not be there,
and we both knew you won't,
but that i have to learn to ruin myself.

we used to analyse bukowski and talk about it,
about how the guy was cool, a genious...
well fuck, he figured out the point of living and he lived that.
bukowski was our idol.
and i still love bukowski,
but now i realize what a tragic appearance he was.

just like us.

with you, i've touched the ground. reached the bottom of my personality.
but never flew any higher.
i never want us to happen again.
but sometimes i'd give everything in the world
for a "come down for a smoke" message.
and then to come home the day after, hungover,
sometimes i'd give everything, just to touch the bottom of life with you one more time.

but you were right, you're not there
and thank you for teaching me
how to ruin myself.




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