Pleasantly Disturbed

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2020-02-19 11:13:32 (UTC)

The Shit I'm Dealing With Currently...

Just had some Christian person tell me that if I loved my husband more than God, that He may have allowed him to die. Wow. I hate this world. At least, no one at work has ever or will ever (more than likely), say anything that bad to me. I'm finding out how much I hate people all the time.

I might as well get this out in this same entry, release these negative feelings before I start work: the other day IDL told me I was "projecting." Projecting what?!? I was complaining about stuff happening at work. Hey, IDL, since you know so much, you want to be my new therapist? Since the person that does the schedule won't let me out an hour early one day of the week, to be able to go, even though my husband just died 10 months ago???!!!


I was uncomfortable going home last night. People are accusing me of not flushing the toilets (I live in a rooming house - I don't have my own bathroom), and I'm nervous because the lady who cleans the bathrooms always has something to say to me about something. People said I yelled in the hallway about the toilets. I mean, I talked loud. Just wanted to let the person who tattle-telled on me (like an ignorant bitch), that I do, indeed, flush the toilets. I know I overreacted and I will hopefully handle it much, much better next time. I'm pretty sure there will be a next time with these petty bitches. I just don't need this stress, drama and petty shit in my life!

Oh, and by the way, while I'm angry, I was singing down the hallway last night - not very loud and it was "Sanctuary" by Joji. ❤☺❤☺❤☺

Yeah, I was laughing about stuff and had more joy in a place I did not expect to. I'm still worried, though. While I know this feeling will fade, I don't want to forget that I may have to deal with this stupid shit in the future. 😊😊😊

I need to remember: GRACE!

Yeah, I was not dreading work today and still am not. I don't have to deal with petty shit like at home and Christians telling me I may have deserved for my husband to die. Whatever God they believe in, I am not believing in that one!

Have to deal with IDL - or someone else, possibly. I'm surviving everyday. I may end up being so very strong, but it may end up being in vain.

I may have silly, frivolous and possibly even positive things to write, later on!