2020-02-19 05:24:25 (UTC)

I think I might have pneumonia (2)

My sobbing woke my mother
She, even though deliriously tired, got up and hugged me
Insisted to make me some tea

She then went into the bathroom and turned on the the shower to full heat
made a little blanket/pillow nest on the floor and shoved me in the bathroom
She said the steam would help and it did, I think I was in there for about an hour?

It's so weird, maybe it's because my dad raised me, but the fact that she is so immediately compassionate/helpful always astonishes me?
I'm so grateful for her actually giving a shit about my pain and trying to help
like my dad would had just been like
"oh. that sucks"
"I don't know what you want me to do about it"
I'm not saying he's a bad dad for reacting this way, but my mom takes on SUCH a different approach

I'm so unused to it I often will even turn away from her "helpful" actions, because it feels so foreign to me at times
She also gets extremely offended when I react that way lol

I'm often resentful of my mother for her past actions
but I'm so glad she's my mother regardless
I try to show my appreciation
I hope she feels it