2020-02-17 20:09:20 (UTC)

emptiness and other non-issues

"Pixels" by Mimicking Birds [idk I'm on a nostalgia kick lately. I was listening to CSH non-stop before and now somehow I've receded to August 2017, the most recent time I remember listening to Mimicking birds; I'd just gotten my wisdom teeth out and I couldn't sleep it hurt so much; I'm not sure when I first heard Mimicking Birds—sometime around the era in which I was very Modest Mouse-oriented. I think I had probably just started listening to Ugly Casanova, so maybe winter-ish 2015/2016]

One in six billion pixels that have evolved
Eating your skin, but I'm not involved
I'm sure it's not me, I'm too small
How could I affect anything at all?
One in six billion can't be at fault
I'm sure it's not me, I'm too small

February 17, 2020 Monday 7:17 PM

Very cold, and not sad, but angry in some way. I don't want to do nothing but I don't want to do anything, and my friends want to hang out and god I really don't. Can I hang around them quietly? I don't want to have to engage very much; just let me drink in peace, lol!
I want to keep being sad. I'm tired and cold and I want to keep being sad. It feels truer than the other thing.

This was going to be more, but I'm being stupid, I know, it is all just a result of some stress and melodrama. Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired. I keep trying to write more, so things make sense, but the energy is getting diverted and idk. Maybe that's better. I don't know, I don't know.