Nobody Knows

My life...
2020-02-14 05:33:00 (UTC)

Lately, I've been feeling ..

Lately, I've been feeling off. Part of me says I'm depressed, but the other part of me says I'm not, that I'm faking it, and that I don't deserve to be depressed even if I was. I don't talk to anybody about how I feel, but my mind is telling me that even thinking I'm depressed is looking for attention, and that I'm just being dramatic. I don't really know whats going on. I'm missing so much school, only going 1-2 a week, on a good week. My mom found out I'm failing 6/8 classes and is making me feel worse about it. I'm already stressing that I won't pass this grade and I won't ever graduate. I think I'm distancing myself from my friends, barely talking even in person because I'm scared I'll talk about this thing I'm feeling and they won't believe me. So I just don't say anything, I listen to their problems and let them think I don't have any of my own. I can't stand the sight if myself. My family and friends always tell me how pretty I look, that they like my hair/makeup/clothes, but all I see is my ugliness, weirdness, fatness. I feel like I don't deserve to feel anything bad like this and I'm making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. I mean there are people out there depressed and hurting so much that they're killing themselves over it, while I have a good life and no reason at all to feel bad about myself or sad about anything.




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