marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2020-02-12 16:03:58 (UTC)

Sorry sir. I can't see you without an (DICK) appointment.

Had lunch with CL today. He was angling for a dip in my pool tonight, but i was totally non-committal. He's been texting me all afternoon and i haven't answered. i did turn on my read receipts, so he knows i read his shit. i guess i'm playing a bit of a game here, but the boy was challenged to be a unit with me and he faded. So, fair is fair. i'll call him back at "it's too late to come over for a fuck, o'clock."


Called Brian to say i was skipping yoga. i'm still so fucking sore from the weekend. He said he would come over, but i passed on that too. My warm bath awaits for the third straight night. You can just imagine the workout i got. In the gym, i mean. i'll do something with Bri tomorrow. Maybe dinner and a class, if i dare to tempt fate. There's always Advil! Otherwise, just dinner and maybe a movie or Netflix. Right now, i need low key.


i'm still surprised (in a good way) that i haven't fallen into my usual dark hole after leaving M. Maybe i'm just accepting who i am, rather than being just a servant for him. Maybe the things i engaged in for him were also for me. Or maybe all for me and he's on his own. Dunno. Either way, i'm content in my own doings. i wasn't passive. i made demands too. And he respected me. It made it all so much better. i was present. Something i have difficulty with. But this time, i experienced it all, as it happened. i wasn't my usual frightened self, letting things happen rather than experiencing them, being part of it all.

Hey, things are changing in me. i feel up for it. Confidence feels good!

XOXO,
Mariel




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