Broken Glass Park
I'm Not ALLOWED... To Do The Job I've Been Doing For Years... And I've Lost The Only Person I Have To Talk To! (My Therapist)
I'm stunned at how utterly awful this day was. I was expecting to get really upset about one thing, which I still am, but the day was so much worse than even just this one thing! My boss told me I'm not allowed to make sandwiches, unless so-and-so is not there. Guess I'm too slow! It's fine if he doesn't want me doing that, but why do you have to be that mean about it - like, I'm not ALLOWED?!? I cried for a while, secretly, out of anger and frustration. I'm still really angry. Every day I have to go there and realize how much no one gives a fuck about me. I'm so damn lonely that this drives me insane! I'm tired of people treating me this way - ignoring me, disregarding me. On the flipside, I'm nice to everyone! This is a choice I have made from simply not wanting to be like the assholes around me! So, I will be nice to them, even if they are assholes to me, just to be the opposite of them! I'll be the change I want to see in the world!
Now, this other issue... last week on Thursday I asked the lady who does the schedule if I could get out at 3 on Tuesday for my appointment with my therapist. I asked her a second time, she said "sure," both of those times. Then, I even left her a note in the office saying that I was sorry and I didn't want to bug her, but just to remind her.
Well, she didn't do it.
So, I called to cancel and I left a message, not even sure if I had done that. Apparently, I hadn't because they called leaving a message to remind me of my appointment, as they always do. For some reason, it's like trying to call the Pentagon or something... anyways, I called back, this time using the extension, the guy told me was his. He answered and I cancelled the appointment. He asked if I wanted to reschedule or just cancel for now. I said cancel for now. But, I am calling this a loss. I may still need the therapy, but I'm trying to reduce stress in my life as much as I can and I'm not going through this bullshit every single week just to try to get to therapy.
NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ME.
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