Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2020-02-10 04:00:27 (UTC)

It's Time To Stop!

Everyone complaining at work nearly every day is really aggravating to me. I go in one day last week, go to order food and the lady is like, "Welcome to hell." Then, she said it 2 or 3 more times just because I didn't respond. Like, What the fuck do you want me to say?!

After I clock in someone else is saying it's hell. I get mad at this and say so. I've figured out that it's incredibly difficult for me to be positive. What is easy, however, is to simply not be negative. I can look at most everything, see it for what it is, be mostly detached emotionally from it and be objective about it. I don't go into work complaining and being negative, nor do I go in smiling and acting joyfully. I go in somewhat serious, just wanting to work and get through my day, laughing at whatever little things I can - mostly others and their incredible amount of ignorance.

So, people are going on saying how this place is hell, blah, blah, blah. Look, it is a shitty job... however, my retort to everyone and I said it a few times, since they wouldn't stop was, "Try my life." I'll admit, I was like them before, probably rather recently, possibly worse. I'll admit, it's a dumb thing for me to get annoyed at. I just wish these people could see how ignorant they are being, but they don't have my perspective, nor do I wish it on anyone, at least not the way it was granted to me.

Had my husband lived, I would have what I have now - inner peace, but in addition to that, the immense gratitude for his life, the lifetime cure for my loneliness ('til death do us part... but, why oh why did it come so soon?), and a happiness that I can't describe in words. A joy that would transcend all other feelings. And love, of course - the most important thing.

I find as much joy as I can in every little thing I can and I am truly greatful for that much and I let God know. I talk to God all the time now, to keep myself humble and so that I can trust in something much, much better than myself. I have little to no control over most things and so, I trust it to God's hands. God will protect and guide me through my life. All I need do is ask and acknowledge His Presence, always. Don't try to push Him out of my life, out of my thoughts, as I did before. Huge mistake, there. To not obsessively pray and talk to Him or ask for much, but to talk to Him, mostly like I would talk to a friend, a couple minutes at a time, a few to several times, a day. To do this, at the start of my day, at meals, in the middle of my day, at the end of the day, whenever I feel compelled to whether because I am thankful and happy about something in my life (though, it's rare, there are little things here and there...) or because I am stressed and overwhelmed (as is, all too often the case, but hopefully, this stress will gradually decrease, especially if I am praying/talking to God on a regular basis!).

Anyways, people are complaining about a stupid, shitty job. I realize they probably have problems outside of work, as well. However, has their significant other died, as has mine? Most people do not have nor have experienced this immense amount of pain, as I have. But, if I can't show them that, then I have to "shake off the dust," as Jesus said. I realize I'm paraphrasing and taking those words out of context. I'd love to teach people that they should have the gratitude that I don't have the luxury of having. Though, I search out small things to be thankful for in my life, I don't have my husband. Also, I really don't have friends or family.

Quit complaining about your stupid, shitty job, people, especially if your life is better than mine! Even the ones who are single, don't know loss like this, unless their significant other died, or, God forbid, something worse has happened to them (yes, there is worse, I think -- losing a child. Can't even imagine that.).


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