Eel

Increase

this is the age of growing. I know these aren't throwaway years. but I've been treating them like they are.
sometimes parts of me go numb. it gives me some fear, but it reminds me that i'm human.
and reading all these old entries really did something to my brain. I know it will reconfigure me when my dreams attempt to reorganize it.
I have to learn Arabic to see Hassan. I have to convince him what love is. and it might be a really naïve dream, but it might not be.
I won't know until I try.
dream mumtaaz. dream kabir.
it's gonna be difficult reading from right to left, but i'm somewhat used to it because of manga.
I had all of you, most of you, some and now none of you.
how does that hit me right in the heart? it feels like that just opened up an old wound.
and i'm so frustrated with not changing. one night I decided I would go 65 days with strong willpower. and then never again. what happened to that eli? he's right within reach. he doesn't give up on the people he loves. he gets better and better. there's no point in giving in now.
it's time to do more.