chae

from my heart
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2020-02-06 01:10:43 (UTC)

do what you fear

8:10 pm

hello stranger,
who ever is reading this... i hope youre well. i havent been well at all. i tried so hard to be okay but its been very very difficult. im laying in bed right now. i feel extremely tired.

its hard to explain everything at once and i dont have the energy. but lifes been so hard lately. i find it hard to find the joy in the simple things. im so envious of happy people haha.

anyways im here to say that i genuinely do not think i am worth anything. i dont feel happy at all and i dont think im lovable. i feel like a mess that nobody wants to deal with. a pest, a chore, a nuisance.

i think im going to kill myself. im not exactly sure when. before then i want to write down everything meaning ful to me. i want to share the little beauty i had seen in life. i do think that life is so so so so beautiful and so so so precious. its really a blessing and a curse. i just dont feel deserving of this life. im terribly sorry to my mom. i know she loves me a lot and i love her too. but i am worthless. im replacable, dumb, fake, and of little importance.

my mom just walked into my room. i wish she wasnt so nice. im so so sorry mom. ill really try to be the best i can be for the time i am here.

also im writing this down here because theres nobody i can tell this too. im imagining the amount of hate id get. “attention whore” id be labeled. my friends will be okay without me. i just worry abt my mom. but she has my sister so

anyways its okay. im okay. im okay. im okay.


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