Shine's secret place
Resting at home these days, no uni anymore, life is too simple to be enjoyable. Sometimes I'm anxious, I'm panic, especially when a feeling of being abandoned by my fellow students, even the society come to my mind. When you're away from the crowd and have your own space, you tend to consider more than ever.
I've been contemplating about the identity of a person. At home, you're daughter/ son/ / brother/ sister/ parent, when you work, your social characteristic is about your job, you can be doctor Smith, director Wang or whoever, but who are you exactly? Apart from those characteristics the society, your family or other communities give to you, who exactly are you?
It seems hard to define a person because a person could have lots of characteristics, but at the same time, it can be really easy, as those characteristics are from others, instead of how you see yourself, only the way you see yourself matters.
The other problem is, I always find it hard to fit in a group of people, it's like, I feel like I'm just faking it, I'm acting like others, not myself, while I have no idea about how myself should be like. Sometimes, I envy those people who have clear or strong personalities, even in a not-so-good way.
So the main issue is about who I am, I'm not able to figure it out yet. How do you deal with relationship, where are your limits, what are your strengths and weaknesses, what do you expect from relationships, no matter friendship or with the special person.
I'm not expecting a relationship that may consume you or be toxic, we can emotionally rely on one another in some circumstances, but not too much. Being independent is still a thing that I'm learning slowly, but not too much of a good thing, asking for help from others is also a skill I need to learn.