Jen just jen

full :: transparency
2020-02-04 22:13:50 (UTC)

I probably need to cry. Like I ..

I probably need to cry. Like I said last night, my attitude toward myself lately is neglectful- I don't want to attend to my responsibilities and even when I do my inner dialogue says it's not enough. There's tension here and I want to clean it out, I'm just having trouble summoning the courage and energy.

I know I've mainly got to exercise, and that's gonna give me the friggin serotonin I need. It just feels like more than that, because exercise is only regenerative sometimes. And I feel like it won't fully quench this need for fun and companionship, although, it can suffice enough to tide me over.

I feel like life is asking me to be a strong adult for myself, to grow around this gaping void and learn how to fill it in for myself, and I'm just not ready to accept the void as my own. . .

now I'm basically directly quoting nbt. my fav band has the best influence on me now. It broke me down two years ago and put me back together again and I'm not sorry.

Life is good. I mean, I have enough affluence to let myself be lazy when I feel like I need a break, and while that statement evokes a host of thoughts on the value of gratitude and how I show it and the question of laziness being valid and whatnot, I'mma let it be. I'm grateful that my roommates have cats and I love their cats and their cats love me. And I would say I love my roommates, and I do, but I mean, that's somehow stretching my capacity for love more than what I'm comfortable with. I love their cats at least.
To have any love in your life is such an amazing thing.
god bless pets.





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