frankie

(/_・、)
2020-01-29 17:59:04 (UTC)

go

i don’t know how to feel anymore. all i ever feel is incredible sadness and hatred towards myself, as stated before. i just wish i didn’t feel this way i want to fucking die. but im so scared of death. it’s my biggest fear. i want to get better but i don’t know how. i’m going into therapy and my therapist wants to have weekly meetings rather than biweekly because she’s worried about me because i told her i tried killing myself last week..

i don’t want to tell vic that i want to die because i already overwhelm them so much and i don’t want to continue. i know they’ll be upset but it feels so unfair that i can’t be upset either . i just care too much about everyone else and i don’t care about myself. i wish nobody knew who i was so i could just leave.. i just want to leave i want to get out of this body i want to be somewhere and someone else. i can’t even make comics because they will be way too sad and i don’t want to make everyone else suffer.

i feel so unlucky and maybe i did something to deserve all this shit. i don’t know. i still think about >redacted< and how they’re doing and it just seems like it’ll never leave. so much of my time was consumed by them. maybe i did have a warped idea of who they were because i loved them no matter how horrible they were to me. 4 years of my life. so fucking long.. to just jump into a *healthy* relationship but it still feels like i haven’t had enough time to get over everything that happened in the past. i feel like i don’t know how to love anymore. i don’t know if i’m a good partner or not and i don’t know if i depend on vic too much to even tell the difference. i’m so fucked up.

i’ve been sitting in this med office waiting to get a drug test done for a potential new job for over an hour but what’s the fucking point anyways. i don’t have any money i got robbed the other day, i don’t have a car or a real house or a real family to go back to. i just have myself. i wish i wasn’t so miserable.




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