JustAGirl

The break up
2020-01-29 15:44:53 (UTC)

Jeff ( the past)

I wonder how long it took me to get over you. I remember it being hard- but not devastating. and it should have been.

We looked at houses- talked about having kids, but little did i know you had a secret.

In the form of a wife. Now, I know people must think there is no way I didn't know. And trust me, I never had a clue. Even when she called me and hung up, you explained it away as shes tried to collect dirt for the divorce. And well, I shrugged it off, because that weekend we went away and all i could think was. If they really were married why would she let him go away for a weekend.

We didn't have sex that weekend- it took me the longest to have sex for you. I guess i just wanted to wait because i thought you were going to be my forever. What we had was amazing, I would wake up to emails from you stating how much you loved me, how much you couldn't wait to see me, and how we would be spending forever together. I received those almost daily, long letters.

You'd drive 2 hours to come and see me, take me to dinner, take me away for weekends. Offer me money that i never accepted. I was happy, I would listen to love songs in your honor, look at houses in between where both of us lived. And then one day it was over. You confessed you still were with your wife- that the separation really wasn't a thing. Told me you had issues with alcohol and you were sorry but you couldnt do this with me anymore.

I must have re read that email a dozen times, i think it took me weeks to write back. I remember the first time i read the email i stared at it put my phone down, and continued on with my day. I don't think i even fully processed wtf i just read. But that was it. I would visit your social media only rarely, but i was okay.

I think about you sometimes, but my heart doesnt hurt for you. And i always wonder why. I remember what we had was real, and passionate. And exciting. So i wonder why you were so easy to get over.




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