marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2020-01-25 08:46:25 (UTC)

What we talk about when you're not there

Well, with CL packaged off to his bachelor party in LA, i found myself not wanting to spend the Friday night alone, so i went out for dinner and drinks with my downstairs neighbor and her crew. Mix six single girls with some (maybe more than some) red wine and after some preliminary how are you's, we all got down to the subject that all women do in this scene, men. All recent dating stories were revealed and critiques offered, with words not really heard in polite conversation. i was not really surprised by the issues the girls brought up. Men are remarkably similar and consistent in their methods and behaviors. We discussed them in clinical detail. Deep detail. Really deep detail.

For guy readers out there, he's some insider dope on things you might want to consider- Mariel and Friend's Guide to the female psyche.


1 Don't worry about the size of your equipment. Average or below is just fine. Sore vaginas are not
2 You need to lay the groundwork before putting the wood to us. Kissing and touch are really important to us before you get down. And when you do go down there, start slow and stay away from the bean right off. i wasn't the only one self conscious about stuff south of Mason and Dixon (look it up UK-ers). Light touch for a while. When you do get to the right spot, we'll let you know.
3 All of us fake it. Yes all of us. You never know when or why. Just know, it's true (see #1)
4 Moaning is for porn stars. If there are theatrics, we're faking (see #1)
5 If she starts cumming after the 15-20 minute mark, she's def faking it (see #1). This was apparently a universal comment.
6 Choking may be fun for some. Please ask. Though never on the first date or dare it have to say, a hookup. (Yes, it happens and yes, we are thinking "will we make it home tonight?")
And finally,
7 Even with a random hookup, whether or not you are going to have sex has not been decided until your girl is naked and on the bed, legs spead. Until then, she hasn't made up her mind. Believe it. If you think you are there and give yourself away before this, she just might say "Wtf is he thinking. No way am i sleeping with him."

So there you have it. An inside baseball view of the collective psyche of my friends, mainly under the influence. Proceed at your own peril!!!




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