Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2020-01-22 21:13:50 (UTC)

Crushes Of 2019 & My Newest One!

I have a new obsession. So, how do I justify not having a crush on Michael Stevens (Vsauce) anymore? Well, I probably still do have a little crush on him. Besides, I don't need to justify it. He is married, anyways. Even though, I don't know him in real life, I still feel a little bad for liking him because of that! I may get a lot of crushes, but I'm basically a Goody-Two-Shoes! Crushes typically only last 2 months, anyways. I'm sure they can last longer. Hell, I'm not going to deny still having a crush on Conan O' Brien (The longest running crush I can think of - since I was 16! I'm 34 now!), Jeff Goldblum and Robert Downey Jr. (All from my teenage years!). But, I'm still getting crushes all the time. An older lady that I used to work with who is in her 60's used to call me a perpetual teenager. Okay... yet, she always hit on the young 20-somethings (age) dudes. So, that would make her a dirty old lady! I feel super depressed when I have no crush and admittedly after my husband died I didn't even want to have any crush. Yet, I've still had a few in the 9 months since. Thankfully, the one real life one who is in my life occasionally, is not a major crush - I'm talking about SC. The other real life one who isn't in my life and probably never will be again (☹☹☹), B, I'm always going to miss, simply because he reminded me so much of my husband.

Back in June of last year, I had a crush on Ashby Clark, one of the adult reactors on FBE. He is soo cute. And he seems like a total sweetheart.

In July and August, I really had the hots for Jeremy Renner. He seems to be quite a bit like my husband in his mannerisms.

Let me briefly mention: Right after my husband died, I fell asleep a couple or a few times to Fridays With Pewdiepie. For some reason, Pewdiepie isn't quite my type, but I've had a thing for him twice, during random, dark times of my life and I'll bingewatch his videos. Objectively speaking, he's quite handsome. And he's intelligent and a major goofball on top of all that. Also, I love how sweet he is to Marzia.

Okay, so September and October, I didn't really have a crush, unless you count SC and of course, still, B. Always B. ❤❤❤

I guess I was starting to like Vsauce near the end of October. I've always liked his videos, but never realized how attractive he was before.


Now, this new crush is just that - a crush. Just another crush. Not on someone I know in real life.

Someone at my work was a real jerk and said the most ignorant thing and I was so stunned, angry, saddened and upset that I didn't quite know how to react to it. I dont even want to write the specifics in here. I stayed calm and my new crush - his songs, helped keep me sane, including one of the goofy ones, along the lines of "shut the fuck up." 😉 I don't want to say who this isjust yet, but I want to give major clues. I will say that, he used to be a YouTuber. And I wouldn't say it for him, back then (shallow as this may sound), but he is, in fact better looking than Felix Kjellburg (Pewdiepie). Maybe that's a bias on my part, based on his personality, singing and humor. No, but really, when I look at this dude (which, I do a lot, all day at work - really cheers me up 😉), I usually am stunned by how incredibly cute he is. Like, he has the cutest face I've ever seen in my life. To justify this, on several occasions, my husband would tell me how he thought Elizabeth Taylor was the most beautiful woman ever back when she was young. So, if he didn't think I was the most beautiful, I didn't and don't have to think he's the cutest. 😝 As far as that era and men go, I would say Clark Gable. If my husband had said Natalie Portman instead, I would be like, "Yup, I agree and I probably have a bigger crush on her than you do." Lol.

Anyways, this new cutie who's pictures I'm always looking at (lol!), I also think he's gorgeous. He's beautiful. He's that rare mix of being incredibly gorgeous and insanely cute, all at the same time! He seems like a real sweetheart, as well - The total opposite of his hilarious, yet horrible YouTube persona. In fact, he said that that persona is everything a person should not be and some people find the character disgusting, which he is, but with the few videos I've watched, I've found him to be hilarious, as well.

He also seems genuine and down-to-earth. He's very creative, weird and talented. His singing voice is sexy-as-hell, he's funny and he's written a sci-fi/fantasy novel with all the characters he created on YouTube that I would very much like to read! I'll say who I'm talking about, momentarily, but first let me say that his song "Shut The Fuck Up" really cheered me up today! That is a song by his persona, Pink Guy. I can't get "Slow Dancing In The Dark" out of my head since Monday. As sad as it is, it's so relaxing and makes me feel like I'm stoned! Lol. He goes by the name Joji now. His real name is George Miller. Pink Guy is one of his YouTube personas from his channel, which was FilthyFrankTV. I can't believe Joji is Filthy Frank! I had seen a few Filthy Frank videos before and thought they were funny. I want to see them all. I'm slowly getting into all his songs. Really, really love "Sanctuary" because it's happier than his other songs. It's basically a love song and actually... he didn't write that one, but his voice is so damn sexy on it! I can't even stand how cute he is!

This all kind of started on Sunday, when I was binge-watching that show "Hot Ones" and I watched the one he was on and I couldn't stop thinking about how cute he was! Lol.

God help me if I ever meet him. Of course, I'll keep my cool to the best of my ability. Lest, anyone call me a fangirl - Yes, and no. I get this way over real life crushes, as well. I stumble over my words around them and feel like I'm going to have a heart attack on the inside. It's pathetic. Don't know why I'm like this.

When I first met my husband, we were waiting tables at the same restaurant (he left after we started dating - lol.) and when I first started feeling attracted to him, I was getting clumsy - dropping A1 sauce bottles and whatnot! Lol.

Anyways... that is my new crush. Do you blame me?!?


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