Honeybee

Metamorphosis
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2020-01-22 00:06:35 (UTC)

Dream of a past altered

Last night I had a dream about my Junior High English teacher. I was back in that classroom, listening to his awful pronunciation and wondering if half of what he was saying was proper English. He was more violent than in real life though, he caught my every movement and threatened me feverishly. Until I couldn't understand a word he wrote on the board, that's when he approached me and started hitting me.

I woke up a little puzzled. In this dream I was beaten, the previous night I was killed. In the dream of the previous night I was lured in by a confidant, he was slowly isolating me from everyone else until I've become dependent on his support. Only then, walking into my room of all places, I see his true self, a twisted ugly phantom, that then slices my gut and kills me, forever dooming me to share this sad existence with him. When I told C about the dream he suggested it may be my fear of abandonment manifesting itself. I thought it portrayed betrayal, in how I was still lonely despite everyone around me.

I'll have to sleep through tonight to know if there might be a pattern. In the waking life though, I chose to focus on how I remember Mr. MT with affection rather than contempt. He never laid a hand on me, but he wasn't exactly kind to me either. I had to leave for high school to learn that he'd actually spoken well of me to younger students.


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