Cahya Ember

Passionate Embers
2020-01-19 15:51:47 (UTC)

Humans but no humanity

Dear diary, its a sad day. Everywhere I go I see humans but few of those human exempt humanity toward others. My morning started at 4 am. People walking through where we sleep at hours. My PTSD has me on edge so bad I cant function. I heard someone say PTSD doesnt count unless its your a vet. This morning a fight broke out in the bathroom because was in the bathroom changing in a stall and one of the transgender people was shaving. They let women come in and they were saying how they should kill us all and retake there dorm. I came out of the stall never said a word as so not to fuel the fire. I was called all sort homophobic names and spit in my face shoving me to a wall and saying wheres your vagina. I dont understand where all the hate comes from. Do they not see I am human too? Do I not desreve happiness to? Then tell me how God hates us so we dont matter. Sometimes I wonder if God is ever ashamed of the evil done his name. I really believe he cries over it too. The Salvation Army calls our dorm the "Safety Dorm." Im beginning to think its just the name of our dorm not a principle they hold. It makes me cry thinking how nieve I was to believe I am more than a pay check for most of these peopleThere are some exceptions obviously. Most the staff are super respectful but this morning I am seriously reevaluating if I am safer than sleeping outside and taking my chances. Then when I thought it was over and I was ready to start my day in a positive mood... I get chased down and physically attacked and people yelling kicking me. After they finally stopped I just laid there questioning if I even want to get up for what felt like an eternity. I understand no system is perfect but they might as well as give it a different name if they aren't going to keep us safe. I am posting from the hospital. I could retaliate but hate is not in my nature. It would be ignorant of me to think people as a whole will change. I am beginning to question the sincerity of the salvation army's commitment to us not just in my dorm but all of them. I am so tired of being in fear and pain from this. Through this all I will not stop being the change I want to see in the world. Some many people Tomorrow is Martin Luther King day. He was a great man with his vision of equalty and even though he was killed he died for what he believed. I hope someday to have the same justice. This is no easy journey but all I want is my basic liberties that all Americans are promised. Life libery and pursuit of happiness. Maybe someday I can have these but until then I will keep being the best human I can sharing passion and compassion within my humanity.

Signed an Ember in the dark




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