crys

crys diaries
2020-01-14 00:00:00 (UTC)

Not much happened in class ..

Not much happened in class today. After school, I was working on class homework with Dickie, Joesiah and Leo. We started gossiping and I got so much info damn. Joesiah asked Renee if she wanted to get back together for a month and she agreed but after that she left him for a guy from church who confessed to her. Now he's apparently traumatised about it all and says she's on the top of his kill-list, but then he says he deserves it because he's dumped her twice. So idk how to feel about it all? Then the topic turned to who Joesiah and Alphonsus would date in class. Esther and her gang are apparently too superficial for them??? I was so shocked when I heard this. Jo and Audrey are apparently not an option, Jessica gets overshadowed by me and Jo, and they think that if I get a boyfriend I would get even more depressed and commit suicide. Way to help me with my illness, right? Apparently Joesiah thinks I like Chris a lot because I keep looking at him in class AHAHA but no. I wouldn't have such bad taste. Then we talked about Leo and Esther and Leo says he's planning to make his move soon, but he's still unsure because of the height difference??? Idk what kind of reason that is. He also thinks that she will leave him for a better-looking guy, which I can't say I disagree. But Ik Xuan came and told us that Leo might have a chance so yay. I ship them both and I feel happy for them.
I went home and checked our class groupchat. They were talking about how we could have a class outing where the girls would choose suits for the guys and honestly that sounds so fun and I wanna go. Then they were talking about me idk why and Leo posted that pic of me with the middle finger. I thought Jo posted it and as revenge I posted a picture of her sleeping. I thought it was all in good fun and everything was just a joke but then she got really pissed and dm, asking me to delete the pic and saying that she can't trust me anymore. Then she says that she's already quite stressed from band and I'm making things worse. I screenshoted my gallery to prove that I already deleted the pic but she still didn't believe me. After awhile she apologised to me but it sounded really half-assed and I was really hurt by it. I replied her and told her about personal boundaries and stuff she had to respect. Why is it that she's the only one who gets to be angry while I have to apologise for every little thing that happens? Who will take my side when I get beaten down? No one. For years it's been like that. If me and Jo had an argument in front of the whole class, 75% of the class will definitely take her side, without even knowing the full story. Does she even know how being depressed feels? No, obviously, or else she wouldn't have said and done a lot of the things she did. My original reply to her and straightforward and blunt, but I had to delete it because I didn't want hard feelings between us. I didn't reply to her as "Crys" but as "Dobby", the persona that the class has accepted and sees on a daily basis. I'm so tired.




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