Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2020-01-10 01:58:15 (UTC)


I think I'm finally learning to laugh at life, but it's a very, very slow process. It would be a lot easier if my Monkey Man was here, but since he's the one who taught me... I have the knowledge and wisdom to eventually be able to do it. The idiots that surround me at times, make me feel hopeless about humanity. While, no one will compare to my husband ever (oddly enough, one of my neighbors is listening to "Nothing Compares To You" by Sinnead O' Connor right now. I'm so paranoid, that, at first I thought they were doing this to fuck with me. It's either paranoia or desperation for attention, knowing no one actually cares about me, which makes it insanely difficult to laugh about anything. If they were messing with me, it would be some sort of attention, sadly.), there could still be a good person out there for me somewhere, some day. My heart, more than likely, is not ready, anyways. I know it isn't. I'm just so lonely and want a best friend. And more... I'm too much of a romantic... if my best friend were a woman, though, I don't think I could be with them romantically. I'm not going to lie and say I'm 100% straight (especially when women like Natalie Portman exist, πŸ˜‰), but when it comes down to it, I really don't know if I could or would want to, go there. I mean, if I fell in love with a woman, that's one thing, but I've always been very, very attracted to men. Possibly, bi-curious, but I'm just saying that in order to be more accurate and honest. To say I've never wondered would be a lie. I mean, I could be 99.99% straight and just have that tiniest bit of doubt. No one is 100% anything, after all. Where am I going with all this? Lol. My, how I love my tangents. Have no clue what they are in math, but...

"I know my calculus, it says u plus me equals us!"

That is honestly, unironically, one of the greatest boy band songs ever (unless you count Boyz II Men as a "boy band," in which case, most of their songs would be way better! Lol.). It is so well-produced. It actually progresses, going from ballad to hip hop to just... high energy, upbeat pop.

Have to deal with the boss tomorrow. ::SIGH:: I would say I have a problem with authority, which may be true to a small extent, but there are 3 people higher up than him, whom I like more. No, I have a problem with phony people. I need to stop ("It's time to stop!" Lol. Haven't watched much Filthy Frank, but the little I have watched... he's a funny dude. I find it pretty funny that Pewdiepie was imitating his voice for a short while. Not sure why he did that. Even funnier, that was just a voice Joji - Filthy Frank, put on. It wasn't even HIS real voice. Lol.), out of the slight paranoia that he's reading this and somehow knows it's me. At the very least, I'm very self-aware and am aware of how paranoid I am/can get. It doesn't completely stop the paranoia, but it lowers it and helps me handle it much better. I'm aware of many of my flaws and am working on improving myself, in which this awareness helps greatly.

When the world brings me down, I'll just think of Jacksepticeye (my life is basically YouTube if you can't tell. Lol. And as much as I like Pewds, I think the true king of YouTube is Michael Stevens, better known as Vsauce. Just wanted to get that out there!) pointing at the blackboard, spelling out the word he yells out loudly in his loud, Irish voice (lol): LAUGH!