Prophetess

Prophetess
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2020-01-05 00:02:42 (UTC)

And the band played on...

And the band played on…

The beginning of this year started a little differently than last year. I’ve since reconnected with an old friend. I missed my friend. That’s all that needs to be said about that.

The last few days of this year has served to remind me that I’m far stronger than what’s been thrown at me. I’ve gotten out of the financial hole I was in. The guy that I would love to have at my side actually invited me (that’s a first) to come down. My daughter is pregnant again. I honestly have the greatest friends and family that I could ever ask for. Even if we’re not all perfect. In contrast it’s been shown to me that once more Karma is visiting an asshole that desperately deserves it. The interesting and ironic thing about that? Once more he can’t see that he’s the problem. The lies. The damage he does. The mental and emotional abuse that he does. I can only shake my head as he once more falls to pieces. I shouldn’t smile at that. It’s horrible of me to do. Yet, I can’t help seeing how far I’ve come from where he had put me. How far I’ve come from healing from the abuse. I glanced behind me to see the road that I have travelled to be closer to who I really am from the broken woman he left behind at my daughter’s house. He seems to destroy every single one that he has tried with since me. I’ve been on my own for the most part and I now find comfort in that until that day does or doesn’t come, I know what I want and deserve and won’t settle for less.

He breathed life into lies about me and instead of being angry about it, I found I pitied him. Lying to get more sympathy for a place that he put himself in. I still have a long way to go but I keep taking the steps forward. I wish him well, but this is my day. I had gains and I’ve had L’s along the way but I’m still going. I don’t give a damn about anyone’s sympathy. I don’t give a damn about being pitied. I had thought to say something and correct the lies. Instead I stopped myself and took a breath. I reminded myself that it wasn’t worth it. In the end the Universe makes everything right. In the end I’m the better person. What’s that saying I saw once? “When they can no longer control you, they try to control how people see you.” I remind myself that he’s not worth it. Yes, I’ll get my vent out because I need to. But it will be behind me as I keep going. I have so much to look forward to. My hobby is flourishing. I have my daughters in my life. While he might not be my guy, I have a great example of what I want when I find my person or eventually have the fairy tale ending with him. I have great family. I have a pretty decent job. I have goals coming up in the next couple of years that I plan to do.

This year for me is off to a great start. I’m content. I wouldn’t say happy. I’ve learned time and again that saying that usually invites disaster. I keep moving and trying to improve. I know I’ll always be a work in progress but I’m pretty proud of where I am at now. It’s not perfect and it doesn’t have to be. I keep going on the journey and have closed the door on that. If it makes him happy to make me out as something I’m not, that’s on him. I know the truth. He knows the truth. It’s not up to me for him to make peace with it. I have made my peace with it. I forgive him. I wish him well. I’m sorry for him. I pity him. Today is for me though. Do I think he’ll reach out? He might. This time though, it’s my turn to have nothing to say. I wish him to heal. I wish him understanding. I wish him to see all the damage he’s done along his road and find the road to peace, healing, and happiness. Until then, he’ll remain on the road to ruin. A lesson I’ve learned. May we all have these things in the coming year.


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