Emily

Day In the Life of an American Teen
2020-01-03 05:42:28 (UTC)

Katie

There's this girl I was best friends with, her name's not really Katie, but I respect her privacy. 20 year old boyfriend left me for her. Shit really hurt. I'm not going to lie I'm crying as I'm writing this, because I can confidently say those were the worst few months of my life, seeing him with her. I've really never been the jealous type. I've always taken in pride in the fact that I'm the type of girl to gas other girls up and support other girls instead of tearing them down, but Katie made me so damn jealous.

She really has the perfect body, and she's always getting guys that say they love her. All I know how to do is hookup with people. I think that's what I'm so jealous of. I'm what guys use and mess around with until they find a girl like Katie. But do I really have a right to be sad about it? After all. I am the one enabling them to use me like that.

I just hated seeing him with her, and being with him has really turned me into a whole different person. I never let myself be jealous, but now if I know he's talking to another girl I'll flip out. It started out as me just reciprocating his behavior, because he's a controlling freak and I'm not allowed to talk to anyone or wear anything and that kinda shit. So I thought, ok, wanna play like that then I'll do the same thing. But now it's become this thing where I really am jealous and I hate knowing that he could be talking to other girls. I really cried the other day when I thought about all the girls he's been with before. How pathetic I am at this point. I hate being jealous because I always hated girls that were too possessive and wouldn't let their boyfriends talk to any girls and now I'm just like them. I take some comfort in knowing that I'm talking to other guys anyway, so fuck him.

But Katie, I've always been jealous of her, even though we stopped talking as much after 20-year old decided to "pick" me over her. It made me feel so objectified, really. Katie and I talk on and off for a little, but today she hits me up telling me all about her new boy friend. She says every guy she gets with is so perfect, but then they all break her heart. At least I don't get heart broken over EVERY guy I talk to. But then I also think, I wish I was as innocent and gullible enough to actually fall in love. I just feel so emotionally stunted. I've sexted and send nudes to so many guys I've lost count really. Everyone says sex is supposed to be this special thing with someone you love, but the only thing that turns me on sexually is being absolutely fucking abused in bed. I'm so confused really.




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