Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2020-01-02 13:08:01 (UTC)

Rant To God

Dear God,

This is weird praying publicly like this, though anonymously. I don't even know what to pray for. I can't stand being here anymore. I feel all this pressure, stress, anxiety. I don't want to be around anyone. It's one thing being on the bus, or in a coffee shop, where people actually leave me alone. They leave me alone at the grocery store, as well, but you know the anxiety it causes me trying to get around everyone and not bump into anyone. Work is that, times at least, 10. Everything is so disorganized and chaotic. Then, I can't even "be happy"/goof around without somebody saying something about it. I feel like I'm crawling in my skin. I know that's cliche because it's a song title, but it's a good description! I'll start making lists of what I need/want to get done at work everyday. Even if I don't complete them, that's not the point. The point is having a sense of control and organization. I need even more of that in my life, as much as I used to hate it. My room is fantastic and I will keep it that way. I got rid of the clutter and cleaned everything. It's not that hard to maintain, once it's all done. That's all I have to do. And there's no pressure, like at work to get it done. So sick of everything. Tired of being around people in the chaos, disorganization, stress, pressure, stupidity and ignorance! I really wish I could be my goofy self without someone having to say something about it. And I miss B. I wish he was here. He's the closest to my husband, I've seen and he's still alive.

This sucks.


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