Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2019-12-31 12:54:10 (UTC)


If I don't do something, I may actually lose my mind, certifiably. That may still happen, anyway, but to a smaller degree. I'll have to start praying, even if I never get what I need. It's just a last resort, desperate plea, which many would say should have been my first resort. But, no one is perfect. ☺ Besides, I can make it my first resort. The problem is, I can't put any hope in it. God doesn't seem to like me. But, if anyone can help me better than any human, it would be Him. Though, my therapist has done a great job... if I ever get to see her again. That remains to be explained. I'm at work, simply trying to cope with things any way I can. I had to get away for a moment, but I know my time is limited.

I know that nothing, not even praying, will bring me happiness... but, I need something to bring me peace and that's probably my best option. I need help with a lot of things, but I need to wait just a few more days before I ask anyone because I just want to get through this one last stupid holiday and then, let things settle.

If I talk to my landlord about my heat and she doesn't believe me, I will get more angry. I try to avoid anger, but I'm pretty fucking angry today. The reason I think this might happen is because I overheard someone else talking to her about it and she dismissed what he said. I'm shivering in 2 sweaters. I will start wearing my jacket, gloves and hat to bed.

This is ridiculous!

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