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2019-12-31 06:28:49 (UTC)

Last day of the year

Today is last day of the year. end of 2019 and tomorrow is 2020. I don't understand why people make so much hype, they talk about resolutions, they expect the year to be good, they dance, they celebrate just because there is a change in date calendar. Phewww I mean ya sure if given a situation even i would celebrate too and i did in past but not this year. I have observed that my year ends are always bad. I remember last year Monku's parents came to talk about our wedding and we all were upset with the kind of meeting happened between both the families. This year he is in Pune m here in Mumbai, wedding struggle is still on. I cant believe this was coming to me.
I was and I'm thinking about Monku so much but he seems to be so selfish that i never imagined he could be. yes, its not wrong to think about self but, I never thought he would put me in to trouble for his good. Right now he is taking time to settle at his job but i don't understand what he wants to settle in this is totally baseless like their other reasons, is he doing on purpose or what is this allll??? literally don't know anything. He has joined the co but has'nt gotten the team yet. he is panicking over this and thinking of all abt that can happen to the extend where he thinks that they might ask him to leave... m fed up of making him understand that no such thing will happen but he is on that negative point like a rock.
He has always loved me when we were together, i mean when there was nothing but us. the real test begins when the situation is hard, and in this all i have observed that he has not stood by my side as expected or may be not at all. He always thought his parents are right, he never understood my situation and took it in a negative way coz he wanted things to happen like his parents, he even told me that we can do a special plane for ur sister knowing that she is in critical pregnancy, he always think i'm wrong when it come to his family. and now he is worried about his job no matter what i'm going through,he is not even thinking about my emotions my job, and our love. I don't know how things gonna be after we marry but m sure he will never take stand for me, so I have to take stand for self. When we were together it was all ok, but when situations changed when we both are suppose to think of each other i think that is not happening or I don't know I maybe wrong as well.
I hope things ill change, but my patience has been tested so much that i'm pissed off and marriage thing is just not fun and exciting any more. my heart is broken and I'm feeling lost. god knows whats next but all in this I have learnt to think of self first because no one will think of you. This had impressed this in my mind. For monku blood is thicker than water, but i am also his love with whom he gonna spend his life. leave it, but this scar is on my heart and will always remain. also, m sad that he always thinks that I'm not understanding while i understand everything very well. how much more he expects me to understand
m sad, broken,tired, frustrated, pissed and fucked up....
Well, no plans today, my aunt has come so we going out for a movie. I wanted to be alone by the sea at marine but I always have to think about others. Poor mom always become victim of my anger soo sorry mom ...
Monku is just not excited for anything, he refused me to come to Pune coz it would be difficult to manage as he has no holiday tomorrow alright cyaaaaa then.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!


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