Experienced Life
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2019-12-25 14:20:22 (UTC)

Loving what's coming 😎

Last night, we polished off three big ass magnum bottles of champagne and red wine. Good thing we did this at my place because I don't remember much. Woke up safe and sound in bed. My dart friends were there. Gave them their Christmas presents and we had a hell of a good time. Told them they're lucky I'm not dating anyone otherwise they wouldn't be getting these cool presents. Joking of course and they laughed too.

Today, I woke up all hungover.....again. Woke up at 10AM. I always wonder the first few seconds as life rushes into my head and uploads all there is that I'm going through. Today, I kind of mentally ducked in anticipation of the fear, anxiety, sorrow, anger, or whatever ill feelings would come. But no, I woke up and felt pretty mellow. I can't explain it. I know my dopamine levels are low because I didn't go to the gym since last Monday and the gym wasn't open yesterday afternoon nor are they open today so that couldn't be it. Maybe because it's really Jesus's birthday? Maybe because of that talk I had with the shrink made me see better? Maybe because I didn't get any texts from the negative people in my life? Maybe because I feel that something good is going to happen right around the corner which is this coming year 2020? I don't know.

I know that I will ride this as long as I can. I feel so mellow right now. It's almost the same feeling as when Im on my hammock outside on a cool but sunny day. Or when I'm at the lake on my kayak and it's so quiet except for the animals. Sometimes in my bedroom with the smell of the roses and my coffee next to me. Even just sitting on the sofa with legs on the coffee table kicking back sipping some hot tea. It just feels great. Happy mellow moments all without the need of anything really or even anyone but myself. That is what I felt rush in when I woke up today.

It makes me look back at the good times in my past relationships too. Not necessarily the person but the event. Not talking about having sex too. I recall the moment I first held hands with my now ex wife. We were at a Carls Junior and we both got off of our midnight shift at the Kodak processing plant. I reached out from across the table to hold her hands not knowing if she'd accept it but she did. That feeling of the first small part of bonding was nice and the high you get was pretty good too considering it was all innocent stuff. The other was with my ex gf. We met for lunch and after that, I walked her back to her work place at downtown Sac. On the way back, I reached out and made an attempt to hold her hand. She responded by intertwining our fingers together. haha. That moment was so nice. Again, not missing the person. I'm just reminiscing on the moment. She later told me she was going nuts at work and couldn't understand what she was feeling but later told me she figured out that she was so turned on and that's why she couldn't focus at work anymore that day. The last was with Blue Faye. We were at that small town called Fairfax. We were enjoying our stroll and once again, I reached out and she responded with holding my hands too. She has smaller hands. Soft to the touch and we held tightly to each other.

I smile because life does have it's moments. I don't miss any of them like I said but I do like the part where I was in the scene. These people weren't the first and I'm pretty sure they won't be the last. I dunno. I just feel so good that there will be better times ahead even though I can't see it or know for sure when and where. I just feel it coming around the corner. I can't wait for 2020 to come. I'm sure there will be some bad too but you gotta play the game of life if you want something to happen. It won't just plop into your lap. Maybe if I'm lucky in 2020, I'll have a chance to hold someone's hand for the first time.. Maybe. If not, I don't think the Mayans are predicting an apocalypse anytime soon so there will be other years for it to be possible.

Today, I didn't even get out of bed till 12PM. I did wake up at 10AM. Replied to my peeps that wished me a Merry Christmas and all that. Then I went ahead and took another nap. haha. All I had so far was coffee and tea. This is what I'm staring at at home.

Pretty nice huh? I could post this on my facebook page it's so beautiful.

Now here is what is really going on at my house.

Y'all have a Merry Christmas. Tonight is movie night with my meetup friends. Hopefully I'll be detoxed by then so I can retox tonight :)

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