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My appt with my shrink
Yup, I had to have one. Met with a shrink. More like a Behavioral specialist. I told him all I could from A-Z regarding my breakup with my Native American ex gf, my self improving the following year, then my weird events with Blue Faye. We had an hr so I had time to tell him all I could. He says he knows about the middle eastern culture although Faye is Iranian they have similarities and said that cultrure can be brutal.
My counselor or whatever he's called suspects that her behavior is like someone that had been raped. She is trying to have a normal sexual life but.... her reactions after we have sex is suspected to fit the profile of someone that was raped. He of course can't confirm but she is displaying that kind of a behavior. That's why the immediate anger after we made love. Yet, she comes back for me and still blames me.
He said that he doesn't want to insult me and I may be God's gift to women but.... this probably isn't her first rodeo. She didn't just have sex with her spouse and fiances. He suspects that I'm not the first one that isn't a spouse or engaged that has had sex with her. She wants it too and she is not as innocent as I think she is.
I told him that I was confused because I don't know how else to improve. I do all the things he's suggested. Multiple baskets in life, go to the gym 5-6 times a week, got my journal, hike, travel, get closer to my siblings, treat myself (truck, clothes, colognes, etc, etc), go out even when it's only a 1% chance of having fun, but this? I don't know what to do to improve myself on.
He said this is the case where it's all her. I said sure, all my friends say the same thing too. He said he doesn't know me so he has not reason to. Also, he is stating the truth and that's all he can tell me. He also said imagine a baseball pitcher. He throws a perfect game. But no matter how good he throws, the catcher still needs to catch the ball. He says I can't control the catcher from dropping the ball. He said this is the same scenario.
So he says I'm good. He tells me Faye is not girlfriend material and she won't change. It's good that she is seeing counseling but to change, it'll take a long time and not just weeks. He says that as long as I keep her in a certain arena, then it's all good. Meaning if she wants to be a fuck buddy, then I use my discretion. But as far as girlfriend? She is not the one.
Finally, he said I'm doing great. Look a the year of accomplishments I've done in a year. Keep working on myself and in time, good things will happen to me. Do there you have it. My one hr counseling in a nutshell. I guess in the back of my head, I knew this already with the exception of Faye possibly being raped and that's why she is weirded out after sex. He did say that if I do sleep with her again, make sure I point out that I don't want her freaking out again after and make sure I point that out. Well, I don't think so. Not looking for a fuck buddy. He did say though. If she calls me again, then I got options. If she doesn't call ever again, then so be it. I'm still good and don't need it.
I do feel better now. It helps me move on from the bump on the road. My quest continues. 🤔
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