Cahya Ember

Passionate Embers
2019-12-22 04:17:15 (UTC)

The fool

Dear Diary, ever had one of those moments where someone let you down and you dont blame them? Thats me. I was disappointed by my wife today. I figured eventually it would happen... I am learning to depend on myself above all else. Everyone eventually lets you down. I do not blame my wife for letting me down. Im used to it. I blame myself for being to trusting when others ask for anothers. So many people say sorry for there actions forgive them. I am finally holding myself accountable for my actions. There are consequences to actions. No I am dealing with them. I was going to discuss with someone about a friend of theres who volunteer to give me a place to stay so I can have a place for her and I. I allowed that bridge to get burned. I didnt say anything wasnt trying to get her hopes up... Or mine. Its ok it wont happen againGuess I am going to have take a step back. I cant take it anymore. I guess I am just a sucker for pain. I know she wants to change. I told her stop blowing up my phone so this girl trying to help me could talk about the help i need. So it looks like Im on the streets longer at some fualt of my own. Its ok... I have been struggling with something so hard. They say Deep calls to Deep. I hear the call in the night... Appealing to me in place thats sleeps. Im becoming cold as December snow. Honestly when this kinda thing happens it leaves me bitter and withdrawn. It has me ready to wash my hands and be done. Again I let myself down by trusting another. Its ok I just really have some thinking to of am I as ready for her being here as i lead others to believe. Im happy alone hereUntil today I couldn't wait for to be here. Even bragging to my mom about how much shes changed to be left looking like a fool again. I keep giving her the power to continue to make me look foolish. Guess I have a lot to think about tonight. At least no one besides her and I know about the bridge getting burnt. Its starting to become an embarrassment the happens to oftenAt what point do i just say fuck it and cut my losses. Im so close right now. Guess im going to sleep on it




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