DiaryofASinner

Sinfull
2019-12-11 07:38:57 (UTC)

Yellow

I’ve stayed home yesterday cause I just felt sick and defeated. I got up, threw up and immediately went back to back. I feel lethargic and I just feel like there’s no purpose to my being. It’s crazy how everything in my body that happens is fully mental and how one day I don’t feel anything and the next day I feel everything. I feel it so strong it’s overbearing. Yesterday I felt lonelier than ever and like that nobody wants to deal with me which i know is wrong but I guess this full moon is just really giving me a hard time. I yet again have to sit with my decisions and come to realize how deeply my fear and anxiety is rooted. I’m scared of everything. Scared of failing, of being happy , of not being worth it.

What can I do about it?
Well I guess the mental work that I put in is just not enough, I think it’s time for a new therapist to really understand this fear based mindset of mine. The holidays are always hard for me. If your single and lost a lot of friends it is super depressing. I know a lot of people can relate to me on this one.

Xo S




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