Time, serotonin, and dopamine
These are the three things I need. Time heals. Serotonin and dopamine too. I pretty much am sure I got the latter from red Faye. I also know I get it from the gym. So there is that. The gym is safer, better, and a way healthier way of getting my dopamine and serotonin fix. Yup, the body is a fascinating piece of machinery. Insert a soul in it and how the heck do you not see how awesome we are? Well, at least most people. Some needs to be rewired for sure. I won't name any names. haha.
I still don't wake up smiling. I know I need to work on that before I get that back again but like I said, time and a positive attitude is all I can do. I get messages letting me know I'm probably going to this formal dinner to see Blue Faye. That's probably true. Hard to see myself and my actions sometimes because I'm living in me and it's hard to see outside of the box at times. Glad I have readers here being honest and sincere telling me good truthful opinions on my situation. Not just mean comments like "Man up and grow a penis". Honestly, I think my penis gets me in enough trouble as it is. Especially on some mornings. lol. Ok ok. enough silliness.
Today, I can dust off the dirt off my sorry ass. Today, I can and will have to take that first step outta this stupid trap that I put myself into. I don't want to. I have to. No one's fault but mine. It's not even Blue Faye's fault. Once I saw the pattern, I should have known not to pursue it. Knowing what the right thing is and doing it? I didn't follow it and my stupid self put me in this mental trap. Now I have to chew my leg off of this trap and move on. Sigh... I think of that taco bell commercial.. "Where is my yo quero?"
On the lighter side of things, we have a potluck at work today, which means junk food so I chipped in with money for food and I will eat out for something healthier. Also, I'm at 156 lbs so I'm in good the low end of my allowable range I let myself be between the 155-160 area :) It would suck if I was depressed and got fat although I did read something about the chemicals released when eating and how it eases depression on some people but in a wrong way of course with the side effect of gaining weight. ugh....