Experienced Life
Ad 2:
2019-12-06 06:26:36 (UTC)

Investments in life

Well, today's the day I have to say goodbye forever to Faye. I've been confused these past few days. Her phone call earlier this week started it I guess. She said some mean things and I guess it hurts. I didn't contact her for 2 months and I think maybe her call was because she missed me. I don't know if I was maybe looking for validation for my worth (which is so freaking wrong). Instead, her negative remarks and the ugly things she said may have messed me up.

The a few days later when I decided to let her go completely, I guess I was in mourning somewhat. I knew what I was going to do when we see each other today. She doesn't know what's coming but I do and that's why I've been messed up because it's coming and I'm closing a chapter in my life.

I used the mean and ugly things she said and took her down a few notches from what I used to see her as. Her value dropped and if I had accidentally put her on a pedestal, I took her down. I saw her as a different person and she was not who I thought she was. Worked on realizing that everything she said that was bad about me was actually the good in me. I'm seeing my values increase so that helped make me decide to let go.

I don't have any cool inspiring posts on my facebook page. Never do post those and never will. But here on this post, I have some thoughts in my head about my situation. I imagine my situation right now similar to trimming a rose bush. Sometimes you have to cut all the branches down to make it look like a bunch of ugly twigs. However, you have to do that so when it blooms again, it will be with stronger branches and the flowers will be even bigger and better because the branches will be thicker and stronger. No more skinny branches that can barely hold a rose up. Funny, this reminds me of Buchart Gardens in Canada. While I was there, the sunken rose garden was dead, dead, dead because it was closer to winter. Come spring, I'm sure it will look beautiful. Here are some old pics from Buchart Gardens.

I also have this other thought bouncing around in my head that I heard from one of my vids I watch. I'm sacrificing the possible happiness I can get now for the eventual success I'll get in the future. This is hard to do but it needs to be done. I should be seeing the good in this. It's hard but it's there.

I feel like I'm in a crap situation because I'm cutting ties with someone. But I need to take off my blinders. Look around. My room is clean. I'm making more money than I ever had before. My body is the most fit it's ever been. I dress better. With my expensive colognes, I'm hoping I smell better too lol. I have more friends and making new ones every week. I'm now more supportive of my close friends. I've been going to church for awhile now. Not that I'm any good but I'm sure it's better than being in a crack house. lol. Sorry, sounds like bragging. I'm just trying to remind myself of my self worth. I don't want my evil ego to kick in and get the best of me.

On a lighter note, I'm seeing red. Haha. In a good way. Drinking my morning coffee in bed. I'm airing out my red dinner jacket for my formal dinner on the 14th. They asked for a black tie thing and I'm guessing everyone will be in a black tux. Well, not me. Gonna have a red tux/dinner jacket. Also got my red slim fit sweater out for tonight's thing. I just got a new bunch of roses. Two dozen, all red this time. And I was so tired last night, I didn't take a shower last night as usual and I'm still wearing my red gym muscle shirt (but missing the muscle part). Red candle on the dresser and my red backpack on the floor. An ounce of red wine leftover from the glass I had last night ;). Even my night light is red. I got issues. lol

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