Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2019-12-04 22:44:36 (UTC)

Hey, Fellow Journalers, Pleasantly Disturbed Here!

I am seriously doubting that things get better. Call me impatient after nearly 34 years of complete misery, but yeah. Whatever happiness I acquire, God seems to take away. He took my husband away. Lest anyone say, 'Don't blame God,' cancer is not something that needs to exist -- along with a lot of other things, as well. God allows me to struggle and suffer without the divine intervention I so beg for, constantly. Even though, I'm used to everything being bad all the time, there is a desire deep within my soul to be happy. I mean, of course there is. It's only natural. It's only human.

My only advice/consolation
to people out there, whoever thinks they are hated by God and aren't allowed to be happy, for whatever reason/s is that, you may eventually grow almost completely numb to it all, as I have. I know it's not very comforting or reassuring, but it's honest. Besides, if you get to this level of numbness, as I have, you will feel relief. I guess it's like that Pink Floyd song "Comfortably Numb", which I've never wanted to be, but this is the best I can be/feel... or is it? *Weird Vsauce music plays* Lol. 😁

I'm going to go watch Vsauce now. His videos soothe my soul and keep me from drinking. What's worse? An alcohol addiction or a Vsauce addiction? I am trying to watch all his videos before this year ends because I'm worried about COPPA. I don't think he'll be effected because he's a big channel, but what about one of my other favorite Youtubers -- Dawko? He's actually a fairly big channel. He's almost at a million subscribers! Gooo Dawko!

Anyways, my next 3 entries will all have to do with Vsauce, probably -- quotes by him, that will be 3 separate entries for reasons you shall find out (whoever reads this - Lol.)

And as always, thanks for reading.

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