ish

ish
2019-12-04 09:45:57 (UTC)

rampent is the slither...

not sure how i feel on this last turn of events.............seems me and ax are fuck buddies......well kind of...im now....just a toy on a shelf lol.....so i dont know if there is any true understanding between us...i know he knows i hate being by myself......not sure he gets much else of me than that..........i know he is upset with how i delt with things.......but i know no other way..........i wasnt getting attention to say much.....and just have felt very brushed aside....................not sure how this will work either...though there is a sence of relief i dont lose him completely.......but to only play a thing might be beyond my limits...i already have self esteme issues and when ..even in rp.....i take to heart way to well words....its not that im trying to control...i just know how words can deeply effect me..........and to be told im worthless.........for now ill give you your day.......but i cant more than small bits on that..........will seep into my physcy and i will sink into a hole..........wonder if you know what you toy with on that...with my issues and all......or does it matter if im not worshipping you....................another think i have a hard time doing...worshipping any man.............i dont feel any man is above me to worship them..truely i dont........so this might be the true tail of it all..............how much i will endure.......but at the moment......i dont feel hurt..but releived.......and im not sure i can take just being that to him a fuck toy even thought that is how i was feeling..........and as much as i feel for him.......i dont think he really does get how i am...how i work ....he wont ever get the empath stuff....weather just not in his ideas of understanding of that maybe culturally it is not looked well on as much...............but i know all to well...........and when others dont get it ...does make it an issue with emotions if you dont know how ..................so this will definately see ...........at the moment.............i feel a rift perhaps was corrected with my submission today..but i did have a hard time with parts..i cant lie....and this is where ....he doesnt want me to tell him ??? im confused on that....cuse i tell him its like im telling him what to do...if i dont say then im keeping it from him........but to feel im worthless ...i cant do long i will surely sink.....i wont go on tommmorow........just feel i need to free of that feel then if that is how he needs...maybe i do need just fade away..........if i feed this....im so afraid it will become toxic............i dont think i can go here.............




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