Downsizinghurts

Downsizinghurts
2019-11-18 12:40:39 (UTC)

Sadness

Dictionary: sadness, affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness

I had to pick up M and carry her down the steps this morning to potty outside. She sat in the grass with the sun on her face. Even at her lowest moment when she could barely stand up her focus was on me. “What doing? Where going? I help? Must watch over you! You go then I go.” I think last night was the first time she didn’t try to follow me into the bedroom when I tried to lay down. I slept for about 2 hours then got up to check on her. When I walked into the living room to see how she was doing on her pallet of blankets on the floor one of my cats was laying full length pressed up against her side trying to offer comfort. She was the most remarkable being. Everyone loved her. Everyone and everything that came into contact with her loved her. We took her to the vet, he examined her and agreed she was going down hill really fast. The kindest action was euthanasia. We took her body to be cremated. It hasn’t really sunk in yet. I do know that nothing will ever be the same. I have my husband and we have our other pets. M though.., she was one of those once in a lifetime friends. Sitting here writing this, looking into the living room and I can see my small shrine of cremation boxes. There are already 2 boxes there. T the dog and S the horse. It’s both sad and in a small way comforts me. Losing loved ones is never easy, but seeing those boxes reminds me of the great capacity I have to love, to care, show compassion. Isn’t that was love is supposed to be about? Sharing our lives. I’m not going to “run out” and try to replace M. That will never happen. Time to heal a little and start working on the next step in my life.




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