Phenix

Yesterday's MOMENTS
2019-11-18 03:50:56 (UTC)

One cloud

2019 was not the year. I knew that pretty much form the start. I had failed, and failed and literally failed again.

It has started to become quite cold, but we live in such a luxurious building with perfect heat temperature of 70 degree, that I barely know how cold it is outside. The trees has lost it colors, and it just reminds me that soon the beautiful colorful trees will be covered in white layers of snow, that are so fragile and temporary. I sit in the fourth floor of a beautiful library, looking down at the cars passing by and the people walking by. As cliche as it sounds, It looks like everyone has a place to go, every one has things to do, they all seem to be just living.

After losing pretty much all friends, I have less contact with people these days. I am not introverted or anything and I really didn't lose friends cause of a massive life drama, to some people it might be to much to say "I lost friends". It is just we are growing apart. Some one once told me that, "friends are till you are with them". As dumb as it sounds, I really think to some extend it is true. I have people to talk in my life, but I have to reach out, I have to wait, I have to talk and eventually, you get tired. Relationship will fail if it is only one sided, so I can feel myself distancing away, and it is ok. Somewhere along the life, things fall apart, and sometime, you have to stay quiet and just let things do it's things. So, as depressed, as it sounds, in the quiet fourth floor library by the big window, I sit alone, with music plugged in my ears and I don't miss much. Of course it is lie to say, I am not lonely at times, but I have learned that these feeling are so temporary, it hurts and heals and hurts and heals and eventually you forget, like when spring comes, you don't remember the piles of snow that laid there before. Sometime you have to be happy with just looking and the sky and appreciating that one cloud.




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