Todayy

A southern life
2019-11-14 02:46:20 (UTC)

it been way too long

alright, let me explain something.
I have anxiety so to ease it I make plans and try to be as organized as possible.
But as my personality I don't like coloring in the lines....so with all the plans I have, I purposely ruin them because staying in a nice tight line although, maybe easy, I get fussy and I want to vomit. so, basically I try to follow the plan as long as possible until I explode.

See I'm so fucking bored with my plans I feel like I'm going to explode.


You don't understand...I feel sooooo bored! Day by day night by night
...so empty
....so cold....like a robot.....
I start feeling a little malicious


like I start questioning my existence and if I don't find a point to it then I start giving less of a fuck
and then I go off the rails and not giving a fuck anymore

I don't like it when I get to that state......
It's not nice...it's cold

but I love it at the same time because it's the first time I actually start feeling something in a long long time...
oh, how sad....haha it's almost Christmas time and I'm feeling ever so blue
so red I should say...

I don't know how to explain it but it feels good being unpredictable...it feels good to plan something devious...it feels good to be mean

I'll let you know later what I plan and how it goes....




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