Dakini Wannabe

99 % practice
2019-11-11 19:20:52 (UTC)

Day 1

Today I am 41 and 1 day old. In days that's 14 966 (not accounting for leap years) old. That's alotta days.

This year I want to change. This year I want to become the person I want to be, that in some ways, the person I pretend I am.

It isn't about material development, but about spiritual development. I want to hold myself accountable and become a more positive force and an actual meditator. I used to mediate. I used to mediate quite a bit. So what happened? I think I got fearful. I brought my delusions into my meditation practice in a way that sabotaged it instead of fueling it. If I don't stop it now I will never stop it. This isn't going to magically disappear. I won't become this person without putting the work in.

I ache for a love which I cannot have. I have tied myself up with vows which I cannot break. I need meditation to get me through this. To get to the other side and to keep going. The way is dark, I need the light.
1 % theory, 99 % practice. Time is the fire in which we burn.