chae

from my heart
Ad 2:
2019-11-08 05:47:01 (UTC)

why am i still up

12:47 am
i pulled out so much hair. i feel terrible right now. i want to starve myself but i feel hungry rn. i feel irritated at myself and idek why. i feel bad because its 12:48 am right now and i should probably sleep but im just wasting time. i feel so numb inside at the moment. i cut myself again and i wanted to cut my thighs but i had this sudden fucking fear of cutting myself which idk why. so im just laying in bed right now and i just feel really lost and i dont even know what i can even do rn. i dont feel lonely yet i feel so alone and its not lonely but it is. i am envious and filled with jealousy for so many things and so many reasons. i want to eat something super delicious but i feel undeserving and i want to cut myself i want to hurt myself i want to be hurt and in pain. but i also kind of wished someone knew how im feeling rn or sensed it somehow and told me everything is going to be ok or give me some sort of assurance about life without me actually having to tell them im struggling. ig i just want to be noticed without being noticeable. which is a hard thing so im just really fucking sad and tired and i am tired and i want to be okay i want to eat i want to eat but i cant and i dont deserve good in life


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