Experienced Life
2019-11-06 20:51:46 (UTC)

Don't stand still

Yeah, talking about life. Worse thing you can do is....nothing.. Just stand around and wait for crap to happen till you die. Well not me. Making moves. Wrong or right? Don't know really. Trying to make sure it's the right moves or at least as best as I think is right. Making little things happen. Trying to find little goals to complete. Working on big ones too. Doing things that make me happy.

I start work tomorrow. I'm finally off of SDI!! Woohoo!!! I get to see my friends at work again. I get to fill my brains with stuff to do and not have enough time to do them!! Yes!!! Lunch at the salad place and hopefully see my pretend lunch wife. haha. Aleena :)

Get to go back to my primary gym again. I'm sure there will be a lot of newbies since I was last there. I'm sure I won't be able to keep up with the regulars. I'm sure I'll get hugs from peeps that I haven't seen in awhile. Some of them cuties too. My superstar friend I found out won't be back till January. Everything is going to start coming back to it's norm I guess. This time, I'm a little more knowledgable in life I hope.

I've been off of work for three months now. No worries, I got paid SDI so my cash flow kept coming. I've seen things. I saw two friends die. I felt my mortality when I had surgery and realized how fragile life is. I escaped being maimed and crippled because I fought for my own well being and changed doctors with much better surgery options. I may even be better than before surgery. The first option would have lost my neck mobility by at least 50%. Now, I'm maybe even a little taller since my own discs were smushed and I had replacement discs inserted in me and stretched my neck out more.

I found romance and lost it again. She was even younger than my ex gf and she was much better than my ex gf. Not 10X as I originally once indicated but more than 4x better. But she too was flawed with society concerns and worried about what her family would think even though she was so happy with me. She would talk to me for hours and hours and it would seem like 20 min would go by. Our passion was so deliriously intoxicating and we couldn't hide it when we were together. She wasn't into fancy dinners or anything like that. We'd do simple things and still the day would go by so fast because we had so much fun. Yet, with all that, she didn't have the courage to deal with society and left me. Or at least she said she'd come back if she had the guts to stick it out with me. She won't of course. She was just being polite. Still, I was able to accidentally hook up with a 37 year old millennial. haha. I passed physically to look to be in that age range. Also, even when she knew my age, she still made love to me so I feel I got intertwined in her with our minds and heart. So that means I'm not as jaded as I once thought.

My two friends that died were friends that I've known for maybe a total of 20 years added together. One of them for sure died tragically. I still can't discuss it but it made me think long and hard. I almost did the same thing that she did but I somehow escaped it. Life is too short. I think you need to make the most of it no matter how hard it gets.

I think with the last almost-relationship that I had, I believe I learned and became and even better me. So there is that. I learned not to make snap decisions when under duress and I'm better inside than I ever was.

My body is in ok shape. Since I was on SDI, I tried to keep my weight and I somehow managed to do it with the limited workouts I was able to do at the other gym. I did cool sculpting and I found a cheaper alternative method of doing a home style cool sculpting via a gadget I bought from Amazon. I still have a goal of a two pack by June. My second gym helps me work on my abs, chest, and quads. I'm thinking of joining their boxing class as a new hobby. I feel excited about doing it and it's a workout where I can actually have a skill at something. Darts is still going by the waste side since my index finger is still mucked up and I still can't throw accurately with it not 100%.

I don't need the new years to make goals. I have goals now. I can achieve them. I know there will be bad days. I know my ego will kick my ass from time-to-time but I also know I'm strong, my will to win is and always have kept me going. I won at everything I did growing up. There will be days where I will feel defeated but today is not that day. Today..... I know that I haven't tapped the potential in me that I know is still in there. I know if anyone was tasked to do that job, I can do it and I'd be the right choice for it.

I was able to help my friends too. I got my friend to join the gym. I got her to do stuff out of her comfort zone and to get out of the house and get busy with life. My superstar friend that I adore actually thinks the world of me thinking I'm this awesome guy when I'm the one that thinks she's an awesome woman. haha.

I'm getting rid of the poison that is in my life. By that I mean the friends that don't impact me in a positive way. Low self esteem wanting to just get by in life instead of grabbing it by the balls and see how far they can go. I know I'm older now but screw that!! I think I want to put that pedal down a little harder than that. I want to see what happens when you press that button you aren't supposed to touch :)

On the lighter side of things, I now have a pretty good collection of colognes. Not Imelda Marcos shoe hoarding but it'll last me years for sure. I can't wear cologne at work because some peeps are allergic to them. Seems pretty stupid and vain to wear them at the gym. So I won't get to use it till I go out out. I still have another one coming in the mail It's called "Parfums De Marly". The scent I bought is a new one named Kalan.
So far, These are shit cologne that is so stupid expensive. I've never bought cologne this expensive before. Faye was goo-goo over the one I had on and she'd sniff my shirt because of it and it was only a $25 cologne. She still has two of my shirts dang it. lol. One was a Calvin Klein T shirt and the other was a designer dart shirt. It was cool looking too. Sigh. Anyway, these new colognes are so stupid expensive I'm ashamed to even list the prices here. But like my normal reasoning as I always say..."Because effe it! that's why!". I can afford it and it make me feel better.

Here's a pic of my new collection. Kalan by Parfums De Marly didn't come in yet (and I can't wait for it to finally get delivered) and I didn't bother with putting my old colognes in this pic. They were ok. Some were kinda popular.. Farhenheit, Obsession, Lacosta, etc, etc but none individually were price over $100. I mean I liked them but these new ones are the newest badass scents (for me anyway) that I have. I will probably add a few more for sure. New life new scents right? haha.

Good night for now peeps :) Hope your lives are better than mine. I know I seem to be battling life every day just to get by at times. And that may be true. You folks may think I'm a fuckup (probably am) and maybe feel sorry for my ass but this is the only ass I got to work on so it's for me to fix. This site? This is my therapy. I pray that your life isn't at all like mine. Maybe except for my pay. That part is pretty cool. I like that part :) Buying shit at a whim is pretty fun. Never gets old for sure :) Thank you all for the nice comments. Even when I post the stupidest, greediest, selfish posts, you folks seem to still side with me and send me nice comments.