from my heart
Ad 2:
2019-11-04 17:46:36 (UTC)

about today

12:46 pm
so..... im about to take a biology test in approximately 30 minutes and i am bound to fail. im going to fail because i havent studied and because i should be studying right now but im just on here writing about how im going to fail this test. i look at my notes and nothing makes sense to me at all.
so i think im just going to accept the fact that im definitely going to fail and do terribly terrible on this test and become a disappoint to my teacher and mom.
on another note i was happy to see that my sat score which is 1190 is able to get accepted into georgia state. i need a lot of things to get done with.
the things i need to get done are:
- sign up for hope
- finish applying for georgia state
- earn 8k (5k to help my mom with her car and 3k to possibly go to canada or whatever) (earned 1700$ so far (: )
- get a new job soon
- skin care, hair care
- gym

my to do list for today is:
- go to gym
- spanish discussion posts and worksheets
- math homework
- read beloved for language arts
- work on essay for ap lit

i keep getting mixed emotions with roman because i genuinely feel like he is disinterested in me or i get scared but then we still talk and he still messages me back soemtimes and i honestly feel like im out of his league sometimes yet also like im too fuckign good for him but i like him a lot and care about him a lot but i feel like he doesnt care about me but at the same time hes the only person i talk to everyday so like hes probably not even bothered by anything nad has no clue whats happeneing or whatever but i just hate liking someone one sidedly like he might get a gf and just push me away one day and that scares me but its whatever right cause ill just be hurt and tbh its weird to say this but i kinda like the feeling of getting hurt idk why like i hate it but it feels good i feel like a weirdo for saying that but yeah i just am going to fail this test and i have been feeling more anxious lately and im about to tak e a fat l but you know its just life and i should chill out and its going to be ok i just dont know ah im tried and i feel like im out of touch with thingsd in life and i want to be okay and i will be ok this is why i need to go to gym again becasue i genuinely feel like it keeps me somewhat more mentally stable somehow.

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