Lonely foxes

Freshman, 2019
2019-11-02 19:53:45 (UTC)

I'm trying my hardest not to slap her but I might fail

Dear diary,

Don't you hate the people who think that the entire world owes them something? My sister is one of those people, and I have to live with her without committing homicide. When you do something for her, she acts like you owe it to her and you should really be doing more and the fact that you're not leaving her a tip for allowing you to help is rude. Then when she does any little thing you suddenly owe her eternal servitude because she has lowered herself to the level required to help.

Seriously. Yesterday, after guitar class, she ORDERED me to grab her guitar. She is 11. I told her to grab it herself because I had my very heavy backpack and hers weighs about nothing since she only takes one class here while I take four hard ones. She refused, reasoning that she put mine in the car when I wasn't home to do so. SHE didn't even carry it to class. I carried both of ours. I told her this, and she responded by shooting me a venomous look and refusing to go anywhere. We are carpooling with some other students whos' mom is friends with ours. She's making a very many people late. So to avoid further embarrassment and the ensuing dramatic scene that always somehow makes it look like I did something wrong, I got her guitar and put it in the car.

And it's ALWAYS like this. She's a master manipulator. I've lost a lot of credibility from my parents because of her lies. They're blind to her ways. Here I am, just trying to get by and be a good kid because even though my parents aren't the best at coping with their 8 children, they ARE trying. At this point, I'm just trying to stop from getting grounded daily. So what do I do? Reasoning with my parents has never worked without physical evidence and at least two witnesses. I mostly avoid her. Don't talk to her, Don't look at her, If you have to do something for her, don't let her know it was you ( being told to hang up her coat, etc). I've also learned that no matter what she's done, to just ignore it if you don't have proof, because she will either make it look like it was me trying to get her in trouble, or blame it on the youngest, who is very shy and seems to be extremely insecure (more of evil sisters' work).

And I have to mention the fact that she does NONE of her chores. She is supposed to sweep. She doesn't. When It's my time to mop, I have to sweep first, because mom and dad will never make her do it with less than three days of nagging and her making good (fake) excuses. SO they see the floor isn't mopped (somehow overlooking the fact that it isn't swept either) and I'm in trouble.


The only solution is to get amazing grades so that I can get into college and leave here ( not that she's the only reason. My family and life kinda dysfunctional). I'm an A student with ASL, Spanish, guitar, and piano class as well and math, biology, history, writing and grammar, healthy exercise, diverse hobbies, and volunteer work. People see all this and think I'm really smart. In reality, I'm spending every spare moment studying, quite sleep-deprived (between my mild insomnia, staying up late working, and waking with the sunrise) and keeping every emotion bottled up because they severely contradict who everyone thinks I am.

the only time I drop all this and just do what I love is at 3:00 am on Saturday. My favorite time of day (in general). This is when I'm myself. Nerdy, messy, slouchy me. Doing whatever on the floor of my room with a guinea pig and a cockatiel somewhere on me. I REALLY love animals. But I'm not getting any more pets, because my rule is to only get rescues, and no more pets than you can properly care for. And in case you didn't know, birds need at least four hours of affection and stimulation a day (I can usually do other stuff while I do this) and elderly guinea pigs with medical problems need medication and a sweater to wear when it's chilly affection. But I'm really happy when I'm with them, so it's very much worth it.

Don't get me wrong, there are good things in my life too, but I can talk to anyone about those. This diary is the only chance to talk about the bad. I don't exactly have any close friends because by the time someone gets close enough for me to let down my guard, they are friends with the mask I use, and can you imagine being great friends with someone and suddenly they start acting like a different person? Not even my best friend knows what I'm really like. That'll change. When I start college I'll go without my mask. Everyone I know will know the real me.I can have a BFF. I can get a serious boyfriend. It'll be great! (I'm getting and exotic veterinary degree, btw, they will let me bring two small pets. Those are the only pets that I wouldn't ever leave because the rest are anthropods and while I would say that they do care about stuff like who's their guardian, science can't prove it.)




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