Experienced Life
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2019-11-02 07:06:42 (UTC)

Last night was tough

Boy, last night was tough. Not sure why I was sort of down on the dumps. I should know better too. Ego is never going to go away and is never a good thing. It's a constant effort to stay positive. I should never get too relaxed and think I got this without putting in effort. I made a mistake of not hitting the gym last night. I can't go too long without going. The mental relief is way more important to me than the physical rewards. Strange thing to say huh? But yup, the mental rewards are so good for a soul. Keeps you from going ape shit crazy!

I think I was bothered a little bit yesterday by a few events. One was at Costco. I bought food since I emptied my fridge (cleaned out my fridge btw since it was somewhat empty). Also bought a bunch of roses. This time, it was a couple dozen and they were red and pink combos. As I was walking out of Costco, I had people commenting as I walked passed them saying they were nice roses and commented with "Bringing home flowers for your woman? Good". First person I said that I said "No, it's for me. I just like them." Don't think they heard because I was walking passed. Then another person says pretty much the same thing. "Flowers for the Mrs?". Then yet again, a lady this time says "Did you get in trouble with your lady?" Of course, after the first comment, I just shut up and smiled just you know.. to just get passed these people. You know, a few years ago, I was invisible to them. Now they want to chat? This sort of hurts because there is no woman I'm getting this for. This is for my own therapy when I'm in my room waking up and just looking at them. They almost made me feel funny buying them just for me now. So that even tugged on my heart a little bit. I won't lie.

This morning, I wake up and I can smell the roses. It's already starting to bloom. I know how to pick them. You don't go for the ones already bloomed. You want them in as much bud form as possible. You need to feel the buds too to see if the flower people just peeled off the loose petals or if it's full and no petals are peeled yet. That way, they last a lot longer at home. You trim the stems of course and cut an angle so the water can be sucked up better is the vase. Funny how that saying goes huh? " Wake up and smell the roses". Well, I can truthfully say I can and do. lol

I guess my Sunday date hurt my feelings just a little too. She was right in meeting me at the event. I suggested we carpool since it's an hr drive but she was cautious and said that I could be a serial killer. Now I understand that this was ok. I guess it is safe for her to be like this. But hell, being cautious because I might be a serial killer? Then why do this online dating if you're that paranoid? Really? ok, ok, I know she is justified. I just feel a little funny that I'm placed in the possible serial killer category. I''m stopping for a minute to look at my roses and smelling them. Ok, a few minutes have actually passed and I did look at my roses and closed my eyes too. I can smell them and it smells nice.

Got one more confession I'm sort of ashamed to mention. Maybe a stupid romantic weak ass thing to do. When I cleaned up my bathroom and added those bins, I have one empty one. This was done a few weeks ago so this was meant for you now whom. Also, when I cleaned out my dresser purging all my clothes, I do have one small portion of the dresser that is empty. Again, this was for you know whom. It's still empty. No sense fill it up just to fill it up. Sort of stupid to go right back into getting messy and be a hoarder in the making. But it does make me feel a little stupid for doing so. It now sits empty still. Not quite sure if I should keep it that way. Not sure how to look at it. Does it make me lame? Does it make me think stupidly that Faye will still come back. Do I keep it this way as a hopeful quest that it will be there one day for that possible special person that I may find one day? I don't know. And how the effe can an empty drawer in my dresser and an empty bin in my bathroom mean anything anyway? Am I losing my man-card of what? I don't know. It's my honest and true thoughts and feelings so it is what it is. Never said or claimed that I was the most sane down to earth person on this website.

On the lighter side of things, it's sure is nice to have a keurig coffee machine right next to me on my night stand. It's getting colder now so I think I need a coffee cup warmer plate thingy to keep my coffee hot.

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