chae

from my heart
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Ezoic
2019-10-31 21:10:29 (UTC)

your life is worth so much

5:10 pm

today mom told me she got an email from my sisters school about a student that was killed. he was killed through a gun while him and his friend were playing on it. while they were doing so, a girl was watching them play through facetime. i dont know exactly if the friend purposely shot the the kid or accidently but he died. and at first i tried not to think much about it but when my sister got more in detail about it, i couldnt help but feel myself filled with anger and sadness.

im angry because parents are stupid enough to put guns in their homes. stupid enough to not place it somewhere kids cant reach. stupid because people say that guns are for “self defense” when all it really does is end up in ones death. defend to kill.

im sad and im crying and im hurt even if i dont know these kids because i cant imagine how traumatized they all were. im so sorry for them. im scared because death happens so quick. im scared because i think about what if my mom dies or what if my sister dies. im so sad because i think about the kids. my sister told me her classmates were crying and a teacher couldnt even come to school today. one student just stood still doing nothing until he ended up leaving. this is how death affects us. one death leads to so much pain. because a human being is worth so so so so much.

im so sad because i always feel like im not worth anything. because i have such low amount of self love for myself. and it makes me realize the importance of life. im so sad because now each student in that school has lost a friend and even if it wasnt a friend because it was someone they knew is suddently gone.

im sorry for the kid who shot the friend. im sorry he has to go to jail and suffer. im sorry because so many innocence is now lost. im so sad because today is halloween and so many kids were thinking about today and looking forward to it. but its just a gloomy day where student are probably to shocked to even enjoy today.

i cant stop thinking because i have a thing with death. when i think about today and how a kid died yesterday because of a stupid gun it hurts me because he had a life to live and he cant experience it anymore. i think about this kid named evan who passed away through suicide two years ago. i think about the grandma who so believed in god but ended up killing herself too. i think about my dad who passed away too soon. i feel like im just gaining a collection of people who die and it makes me feel terrible. i want to let go but i feel terrible. i hate death.

i know i dont even know this kid but i truly truly hope he is in peace. i hope hes happy. i hope that the students at my sisters school are okay. i hope they can still be happy and live harder for those who couldnt. im going to try my best to live my life to the fullest. sometimes i want to die so so bad but i also know how much i want to live and how much each life is worth.

im going to tell all the people i love that i love them so much today. were all human and i feel like this world could really use so much love when theres so much hate already. im going to study hard for my test and im going to try my best. im going yo live my life to the fullest and fulfill my dreams and goals. im going to be more knowledges and strong. im going to strengthen my views and im going to change this world somehow. maybe i wont be able to change the world but i hope that i can still be a light to at least one person. because if i can do that then i think i will truly be happy.


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