ish

ish
2019-10-27 09:46:53 (UTC)

trust..whats it good for

feel like such an nieve idiot....i saw it plain as day...bu ti made up excuses like no must be a brother.....laughs at my nievity always trying to make it better than it is.....trying to see the betterment in man....but not seeing it...seems very few have that quality.......

im in shock really.....not even sure how to feel on it.......just thought if trust be had all cards on the table...im forright and tell whats up with me.....he knows all of me........i just feel i splayed it out on the table like it was nothing but junk in my pocket............i always want to give benefit of the doubt......i want to trust that people will be as open as i am............

heavy sigh....it leaves me a heavy heart...........and that i doubted my feelings of something not all it seems............i should know better...if he doesnt understand the empath then he will not understand how i feel things the way i do....how i know the way i do................
am at an impasse..on what to do......i thought i felt love for this man....but he far knows more on me than i do on him....not exactally an open book....have tried to get to know him ...but the convo doesnt seem anything but superficial on daily things...............maybe i make too big a deal of it...........but i knew something was not right........not upfront...........and i think that is what gets me is i knew i felt i wasnt seeing all....is why i fought so hard to trust....now not sure how i feel..if trust even enters the picture....does this superceed any trust built?...........i dunno...im hurt .....not sure how i feel anymore.....and lately........seems not alot of talk on much.........this last time....was so hot at first and something changed how i felt...total turnoff..................not even in any mood now and with this new finding......am at a loss at what to do or how to feel.......if i should approach it or keep it to myself and not worry on it.............is just the trust thing.......is hard enough trusting.....not sure why i feel this goes against it..perhaps it doesnt..but just feel after 2 yrs....something would have been mentioned..........something...anything................what the fuck..............think i need time to think on things........maybe just disappear without saying.............fade out........scoffs at self for being so stupid.......never again will i take anyones word on things..will always have some doubts for sure................




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